I doubt any girls read this site. That is why I feel it prudent, and necessary, to lay down the law on what the best video games ever are. Opinions? Maybe. Dogmatism? You bet. In advance: Fuck you Final Fantasy fans. Beat off a little harder to Cloud’s stupid homo erotic relationship with Sephiroth.
As a disclaimer, I should warn that I probably appear as a PC and Nintendo fanboy here. I guess the only way to justify myself is to agree to this. I had a Playstation, and I have a PS2. I just can’t stand any of the mainstream, corporate shit Sony puts on those things. FF, GTA, GT, and sports games are all huge disappointments to me, and that’s what mostly characterizes Playstation’s repertoire. Plus the controller was/is ass, and they had to copy from Nintendo (which invented the Playstation, anyway) for the thumbstick. Plus Sony is a bunch of arrogant avaricious dickholes, so fuck them anyway.
RPG:1. Knights of the Old Republic: The surprise of video games of the 21st century. No saw this coming: Sleek graphics, awesome lightsaber battles, a fun, innovative combat system, and most surprisingly of all, and awesome story. That twist in the middle, aboard the Leviathan, was crazy. I don’t care if you saw it coming Dan, fuck off. The way the dialogue and character interactions were organized is icing on the proverbial cake. The sequel was great, but not quite the same caliber.
2. Morrowind: Truly original and revolutionary. Bethesda really knows how to define a genre (open-ended RPGs) with their Elder Scrolls Series, and Morrowind is the pinnacle of that. More quests than you can shake an Ice Blade of the Monarch at, hysterical game mechanics, a plethora of fun to obtain items, and another surprisingly good main story, especially considering the open-endedness of this game. Incredible graphics for a game from 2002, to boot. You don’t even have to do the main, or even secondary quests, which is the best part. Just cruising around the island is a blast, and using the console to do ridiculous things make the game that much better. Expansions add some great high level and unique content.
3. Pokemon Red/Blue/Yellow: Fad aside, these games were awesome RPGs. I realize they took most of the combat mechanics from Final Fantasy, but what turned based game can’t? The complexity of all the different types of moves and pokemen adds to the fun, fast paced (for turned base) combat system. Playing against other people was awesome, as long as they didn’t use that incredibly retarded Rare Candy cheat.
Action-Adventure: (Fuck Mario and Sonic. I sucked at those over-simplistic games.)
1. Ocarina of Time: I haven’t played through this game, or even played that much of it. I personally prefer Majora’s Mask for Zelda games. However, OoT’s quality, popularity, and impact on the gaming industry are too relevant to cast aside. It’s probably the consensus best game ever created, and I have no choice but to at least present it as the best action-adventure game out there in light of this.
2. Banjoe Kazooie: Rare’s surprise masterpiece for N64. I loved the shit out of this game. Colorful, exciting graphics coupled with really fun gameplay and a veritable slew of diverse attacks made this game a staple of 90’s adventure games. All the worlds were different enough to avoid repetitiveness, and the puzzles were clever/fun. It was also very difficult, yet was one of the only games I have every played the whole way through (suck a fat one, Gio.)
3. DK 64: Another Rare product. What can I say; Rare was the epitome of an awesome game company before they left Nintendo for Microsoft. This game not only had a fun, interesting single player story mode, but a ludicrously fun multiplayer. I should have probably put Mario 64 in this slot, but I really sucked hard at that game, and I hated how there was maybe 2 ways to kill something. Gay.
Sports: (Not a huge fan of sports games, especially the bullshit Madden series.)
1. NFL Blitz: The only one word does this game justice: Absurdity. That is all.
2. Wayne Gretzky Hockey 98′: Hockey blows, unless you’re Canadian, which no one is. However, this game rules. Checking people into perpetual backflips, fire shots, and raucous fights all came together to make this game too much fun.
3. NBA Street 2: First one was a blast, and the additions to this one made it even more fun. Although the gamebreakers were pretty gay, it was better overall.
FPS: Meh. Some are awesome, as you’ll see bellow, but most suck ass.
1. Perfect Dark: Fuck Golden Eye. Perfect Dark had it all: Multi-function weapons, N-bombs (no, not “nigger”), bots, and some crazy ass stages and game modes. The single player was borderline impossible on the harder difficulties, and Dark Bots in multi-player were pretty balanced, with their auto head-shots and map hacking. Still incredibly fun and entertaining. Farsight sniping, anyone?
2. Halo: Yeah, yeah. This is on everyone’s “Top FPS” lists, and I’ll probably get a lot of “Loz Duge, Halo is over-rated, and not for PC.” Oh the fuck well. It’s still awesome. Not revolutionary? Oh teh noes! The campaign was incredibly good, especially on cooperative mode. But the best part was the system link 16 player function. I recall some pretty kick-ass times in a certain basement in the Gonq with more guys than some of the bars in Wrigleyville. (sorry for the Alqonguin and Boystown references, for those of you who don’t know these two places.) Capture the Flag, 8 on 8, Sidewinder. That is all I that I need say.
3. Half-Life/Counter-Strike: Yeah, I’ll concede and give Half-Life a spot on here. But it’s just because I know everyone likes it so much and I personally have seen how fun it can be. And I also know PC is a lot better for FPS, grats HL/CS fans, your game is on here.
RTS: (Blizzard and their massively epic 9 on 9 battles can eat my shorts.)
1. Age of Empires II: Age of Kings with the Conquerors Expansion: This game came out in 1999, and my friends and I got it the following year. We still play it religiously. That is how fucking awesome this game is. Incredible depth and complexity, yet simplicity and low learning curve. It’s one of the games that follow the “easy to be good at, impossible to be great at” doctrines. The differences in the civilizations, will not as profound as other games, make for a different experience every battle. I really can’t say anything bad about this game. It just blows away the competition.
2. Age of Mythology: Yeah, I’m an Ensemble fanboi. Sue me. AOM is the only game I consider worthy of comparison to AOK. The different civilizations are incredibly distinct, and the divine factions within each civilization add to the diversity. The game would be awesome if it was just the civilizations with their units and upgrades, but ES went the extra mile and threw in mythological units, heroes, god powers, and divine upgrades. Euphoric for me, and I’m sure anyone who has played it can relate.
3. C&C: Red Alert 2: I’m putting RA2 on here just so ES doesn’t dominate the RTS section; AOE 3 could just as easily occupy this position. Westwood is the only company that can hold a candle to ES, and it’s only because they compensate for lack of depth with ridiculous fun. Their are so many ways to defeat an enemy as each side, it doesn’t matter there are only…0…upgrades and a few units. Plus, Westwood’s famous live-action movies are top-notch in RA2 and Yuri’s Revenge. Great time all around.
Fighting:
1. Super Smash Brothers Melee: Incomparable. Unique system (knock-off instead of HP), a copious amount of different characters, The Knee, and much more. What separates this game, however, is the depth and complexity. This is the only fighting game out there where you can’t win by simply button mashing or memorizing some unbeatable combo (Street Fighter.) While lacking balanced compared to the first smash, it still dominates any other fighting game there is. I’m not even going to disgrace this masterpiece by putting another game in this category. It’s that good.
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im just wondering why Hoopz isnt on the list
I guess its cool not to mention Final Fantasy XII, Shadow of the Collussus, Resident Evil 4 and God of War.
I mean, they’re just SONY TAKING ALL YOUR MONEY LOLOLOL OMG FUCK SONY FUCK.
FF 12 is just you’re favorite game. CMN. Shadow of the Collussus was good, but it was all just epic boss battles.
I’ll give ya God of War, that game is pretty awesome. And Resident Evil 4 was on GC before PS2.
MGS sucks too. sony has no good games. and i find it funny you feel it necessary to put in that nintendo created playstation, basically stating that its good, but shouldn’t get any credit
Thank you for seeing things my way.
HALO!!! But seriously we all know the epic battles happened at BG not Side. Agree with the KOTOR. But FF7 seriously is still the bst RPG ever made and you never even played it fully I bet so gtfo. Pokemon was bad ass. CS is ALRIGHT. I mean if I really wanted the same game play I would just play Halo 2 no shields. Bam you got CS.
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