Viagra, a word that instills fear in every 20-30 year old male, but entices those 50 and older. For those of you who may have just suffered from a stroke and don’t know what Viagra is, allow me to tell you. It’s like, when you’re flopping it around and it’s good, but not that good, so then you pop some V-pills and it’s REALLY good. That help? No? Well then let’s look at their slogan, “VIAGRA: IT GIVES YOU A HUGE RAGING THROBBING BONER FOR 4 HOURS! OR YOUR MONEY BACK!” Quite the advertisers those folks at Viagra are. Anyways, as a college student I find the though of Viagra very unnatural. I can’t imagine taking a look at meatspin and not getting a hard-on, quite frankly, I find it disturbing. What man can’t get an erection from looking at that? I’ll tell you who. Old people.
courtesy of http://img.slate.com/media/1/123125/123073/2111953/2117869/050531_ex_viagra_tn.jpg
Yes, old people. You know, the ones who drive 30mph under the speed limit, the ones who are using up all the social security, the ones who give out crappy candy at Halloween, the ones who smell like death when they live together, and the ones who apparently aren’t willing to give up on sex. I recently read that around 50% of people age 70 and above are still having intercourse. WTFMATE? Imagine your grandmother taking it like a champ at her ripe age of 95. Yeah, I know most of you probably stopped reading after that line, but I press on. I personally believe that after you are done having children, you should no longer be allowed to have sex. Sure when I’m 50 I may change this rule, but honestly? I don’t like the thought of flabby skin rubbing together and old people moaning. It’s just too much for me. So I say this, Viagra, you are the devil. These old people are unable to do this naturally, so why should they get help from a drug? If God had intended for 80 year olds to be going at it like rabbits he would have equipped us with the right goods. Viagra, you are going against God. And you know what that means don’t you? Because I really don’t.
I find it interesting to think of what the ass clown who invented Viagra had to do to create it. Did he go to the library? Did he ask a homeless man? Was he smarter than a 5th grader? The world may never know. I assume it was a team of 60-something men working together because their weiners were no longer floppy. So these upstanding citizens started conducting experiments, using Bunsen Burners, drawing up diagrams, doing algebraic equations, and getting erections. Sure these can all be fun, but mixing them together seems like a bad idea. Burning your unit because you wanted to see “what it would feel like” is just a bad idea. However it came about, they got Viagra made and put it on the market. Now they have commercials that picture random assholes in bathtubs on a hill overlooking the ocean. First off, how the fuck did these people get bathtubs outside and filled with water? Second, why do you have more than one bathtub? One bathtub for two people should be plenty. Third, there are a lot of dumb people in America, seriously the majority are dumbfucks who think Iran is an invention of Steve Jobs, so how are these idiots supposed to realize what the commercials are selling? I think the advertising would be more effective if they came out and said it makes your dick harder than Chinese algebra. I believe if they aired this commercial the nation would be able to hear a collective “OOOOHHHHHHHH!”
Now Viagra is something I do not agree with, although, for the purpose of pranks, there is nothing better than this. Imagine this, your Duke is going out on a date tonight and asks for his bros advice. The typical responses are given and written down, “Make her pay for dinner,” “Make her drive,” “Play videogames,” “Get her naked,” and my favorite “Use the big black dildo.” Sure these are funny to watch your unsuspecting Duke write down, but there is one way to make it REALLY funny. He looks nervous so you tell him to take some of these pills, which will help him calm down. He thanks you for being such a good friend and goes on his way. About 30 minutes later he returns completely embarrassed and scared shitless because he can’t get rid of this boner and the girl ran away frightened. Oh Viagra.
So let’s recap. Old people = Viagra. Viagra = boners. Boners = sex/funny. Sex = Old people. Unless the variable of a young person is given Viagra then it looks like Young people = funny. And that is the way it should be.
Popularity: 17% [?]
No related posts.
hahaha there’s only one person i know who calls themself COCO .. good report there CLO
Hahaha. Best line ever, “I think the advertising would be more effective if they came out and said it makes your dick harder than Chinese algebra.” Where do you come up with this shit Coco? You crazy bastard.