Posted by
admin on Oct 27, 2008 in
Humor,
Rant
1. Shakespeare
“To be or not to be, –that is the question:–
Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them?”
– From Hamlet (III, i, 56-61)
I disagree. I think the real question is whether I want to use your play as the lining of a bird cage or toilet paper to remove some very stubborn pieces of dune. I hate you Shakespeare and I think the vast majority of the population would agree with me. How then, are you still forced upon students who don’t even read your shit anyways. The ever “popular” Romeo and Juliet is among the worst pieces of bat pubus I have ever looked at. Are you telling me a good love story consists of two teenagers meeting, knowing eachother for a couple of days, and then rashly killing themselves because of a misunderstanding is a good message about love? What are you supposed to gain out of reading his “masterpieces?” You certainly don’t learn anything. Is it to become more cultured? Shakespeare is still read because assholes who think they are higher forms of people tell everyone else he is a genius and repeat that until it is believed. Liz Solem is honestly the only person I’ve ever seen enjoy Shakespeare, and you can ask Doug about Liz. I would legitamately have sex with fire before I would go so far as to listen to her opinions.
2. Dave Matthews Band aka Dave aka DMB aka WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED
“Hey Alex, you like Dave?”
“No, I’m not really into him.”
“WHAT. How can you not like him dude? Dude he’s like so chill dude! FUCKINGDUDE!!”
I am sick of having this conversation with people. I was about to say, “sorry, I just don’t really like it,” but then I realized that I would be apologizing. I don’t like Dave Matthews Band. Get the fuck over it. He’s got talent, but not nearly as much as people give him credit for. What bothers me more than Dave’s repetitive songs are the fans who are under the impression that everyone likes him. You’re allowed an individual opinion about music, and I suggest you get one and stop listening to groups solely because people tell you they’re so mellow and chill dude.
3. Rex Grossman
Before people start peeing about this, shut the Hell up and listen. I am a Bears fan and I am not saying Grossman is bad. I know that it’s his first real full season. I know he went to the Super Bowl. But take a moment and think when people are shouting from the rooftops “LOL Rex Grossman is the best I love Sexy Rexy!!!” Let’s be serious. Everyone has a bad game. But I don’t want to watch one game where his rating is 100+ and then pulling a sub-5 the next game. He might grow to be a great quarterback with time, I hope he does and personally I think he will be pretty good. But that doesn’t mean he’s a legend now. And don’t even try to tell me he is the star of the Bears. Brian Urlacher is the definition of a Godly player, and Hester is looking pretty good so far too. Good luck Grossman.
4. Drinking
Drinking is fun when you are with the right people. Drinking is stupid as hell when you’re with other people. There are only a couple of girls that I enjoy going out with because I know that they will not need a babysitter. This applies for guys too. I don’t care how much you’ve drank. I don’t care if you drank more than I have. I don’t fucking care that you don’t feel it yet. “I drank more beer!” “I drank more hard shit!” Who fucking cares. I don’t even want to be clever with this. The point of drinking is not to argue with eachother, unless the opponent is inanimate.
5. The Winter Olympics
This is pretty self-explanatory. There is not much to look forward to if you’re a straight guy during the Winter Olympics. Flying down a mountain and jumping off a ramp and doing 4 backflips, 2 cat 360’s and plowing your girlfriend in the air takes balls, but I’m not that interested. Once you’ve seen one jump, you’ve seen them all. Unless a guy screws up and racks himself on a camera. That would be sweet. Ice skating is not doing it. Hockey is ok. Curling is actually pretty fun to play, but I really don’t need to watch it.
6. Being White
Being white is pretty sweet. That’s not to say that its not sweet not being white. So stop saying I have it so much better. I’m sorry about slavery, our bad, But I didn’t own a slave, and nobody owned you. I know it’s a part of your history, but its just that, history, it’s over and done with. There is still racism and discrimination, and I’m all for getting rid of that, but it’s from both sides to various extents. The n-bomb is off limits (for white people) but white slurs (if you can call them that, they’re not that offensive) are fair play for all. Not that I even want to drop the n-biscuit on a son of Africa, but damnit people need to realize if they want equality then that means no more exclusively black tv stations, frats, clubs, and sports teams (that one might just be by chance). keep in mind that I’m not saying that it’s as hard being white as it is being black or that the level of prejudice is equal. As the great Ben Folds, who writes something called music, says “Ya’ll don’t know what it’s like, being male, middle class and white.” Life is easy being white? For the most part, but it’s not so easy when you spend all your years in high school studying your ass off, getting good grades, applying for college, and not making the cut because Starquesha Latronda Jackson and Jamal Lewis got in on affirmative action with a pretty solid 1.7 GPA, combined. Believe it or not, you don’t make things equal by making things unequal for another side.
7. Napoleon Dynamite
Saw the movie, wasn’t thrilled, and I for one am piss tired of people quoting it. Stop it.
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