In light of recent events, of whom the participants will remain nameless, I have come to a very significant conclusion about myself, especially in relation to other people. “What is this revelation?” you ask. It’s something along these lines:
I am drastically, exponentially, and severely better than any girl I will ever consider involving myself with, or any girl I will ever meet for that matter. I am also that much better than any guy could hope to be at life, if not just in the context of relationships or inter-gender interactions. Why my blatant and extreme arrogance? Here’s just a couple of the insurmountable reasons:
1. You all may think “Whoa, Doug is a jerk! He is such a meanie and a smart ass.!” Yes, you caught me: I am a sarcastic bastard who is overly abrasive in everyday conversation. First, it’s in jest: get a sense of humor. It might even be a little truthful. Second: it isn’t that big of a deal. Empty insults in a stupid conversation are nothing compared to some of the moral debacles I’ve seen some (most) people (especially girls) pull as of late. Ask anyone that truly knows me: the extent of my personal shortcomings is my sarcasm. Most people can top that without even a second of hesitation. But yeah, I’m an asshole for jokingly calling some chick “fat.”
2. Wanton Sex: No, “wanton” is not the fucking Chinese roll or whatever the hell those things are. It means people have sex without any restraint whatsoever. Even relationships are apparently no barrier for fornication these days. I don’t have sex, and I pride myself on that. A lot is said about a person if they will just jump into the sack with anyone: especially that they are incredibly vapid. And please don’t read this and say “Hey man! I don’t just bang anyone I meet!!” Oh really? I don’t believe you shallow bastards at all. Restraint and respect for someone else (like not getting girls drunk in order to take advantage of them) is hard to find these days, and yes, I think I am that much better for exercising those traits. A good deal of people wouldn’t think twice about cheating on their current boyfriend or girlfriend: That’s something I could never do, due to moral values. Another fucking point for me.
3. Rationality: I can become emotional and illogical at times. However, my most abysmally low points of irrationality don’t even come close to the borderline insanity I’ve seen females capable of. The most absurd thing guys do is go to incredibly lengths to get laid, but again, I don’t do that, so I get a double score for this one.
4. Respect: Again, my sarcasm doesn’t even scratch the surface of disrespect most people exhibit. I have seen copious accounts of people, especially those damn girls again, lead people who are interested in them around, on a metaphoric
wild goose chase, sometimes for the sole purpose of kicks. Or, although I don’t know anyone who this has ever happened to (at all, no one), how about this pinnacle of moral excellence: Feigning interest and romantic infatuation in someone in order to get back at someone else. Yeah; it’s deplorable. But you all have done it. I haven’t. Scoreboard, bitch.
5. Genuine Feelings: Yeah, I guess I’ll sound pretty ridiculous in this section, oh well. Here is my point though: Witnessing hundreds of relationships and interacting with hundreds of girls (although only a few seriously) throughout my life, I have realized one paramount concept: Very few, if any, relationships are based on actual romantic feeling. Sex, money, and big one for girls I will never understand, extreme and undivided attention, are all more attributable to motivation for relationships than genuine love. This brings me to the point that, while I could be wrong (I’m not), I honestly don’t think any girl is capable of reciprocating, let alone possessing, the love I know myself capable of. I can only hope that I’m dead wrong in this, but girls thus far have proven me infallibly correct.
In the end, I stand by my conclusion: I’m way too good for anyone, especially girls. Maybe if a couple ever decide to grow beyond a eighth grade maturity level, things will change. Until then, keep being shallow! Awesome.
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