This message probably only pertains to males, but I guess it could hold relevance for some females as well.
Have you ever been sitting there, either on your lonesome or with some friends, having a good ol’ time playing video games, when all of the sudden some asshole pops out of nowhere (probably inebriated) and says “Man, you dude(s) need to get a girlfriend!!” I’ve had friends (or so called friends), family members, and especially girls (who usually aren’t smart, but how many are?) say this crap to me.
Absolutely infuriating! So this little rant, along with “I hope you get eaten by a swarming horde of carnivorous narwhals,” is my response to assholes who say this shit. It may or may not be a poem, I have no idea. Poetry is over-rated and cliche, anyway. It’s more of a list. A pro-video game, anti-”get a girlfriend” list. Enjoy:
Mario never called me a jerk/ass/dick/insert generic feminin insult here.
Yoshi never lied to me.
Sonic never turned out to be a lesbian.
Link never told me I was “too immature.”
Samus never told me she could never see us in a relationship.
Captain Falcon never pretended to like me.
Donkey Kong never said “We’re too different.”
Pikachu never cheated on me.
Master Chief never nagged me.
Joanna Dark never got offended at meaningless jokes.
Fox McCloud never thought I was ugly.
Kerrigan never broke up with me because of another guy.
Bowser was never too good for me.
Solid Snake always called me back.
Megaman was never “too busy.”
Tommy Vercetti never got PMS.
Kirby never asked “Am I fat?”
Bomberman never cried about everything.
None of these guys were ever conceited, hypocritical, nonsensical, irrational, over-emotional, or questionably insane.
And every one of them was worth every minute I spent with them.
Disclaimer: I am deffinetly not against having a serious relationship with a girl, but this list embodies my opinion that sometimes (more like all the time), video games are more worth the effort than girls.
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