Lets face it, arbitrary facts are probably the best ones out there. When you’re at a party and you bust one out, all the ladies automatically want your cock. (Trust me, I’m a doctor…not really). It’s a surefire way to impress your girlfriends parents, hell who doesn’t want their kid to be dating someone who knows the year Lyndon B. Johnson was sworn into office (It’s November 22, 1963). I like to think of my self as a connoisseur of these arbitrary facts. I know that in 2004, Dr. Dre was ranked #54 on a list of the Top 100 Artists of All Time and that Billy Bean was the first baseball player to admit he was a homosexual in 1999, four years after he retired. And these don’t even crack the arbitrary list. So here it goes, 6 random as fuck tidbits of info. Use them wisely (for poon, alcohol or drugs).

6. Rick Moranis wears glasses in all but two of his films, not including the voice acting he has done for Brother Bear and Brother Bear 2.

Who doesn’t love this guy? The Star of Honey, I Shrunk the Kids, Spaceballs and Ghostbusters is a living legend. All of the films he has starred in have pulled in a combined 5 Trillion dollars (according to my Uncle Jeff). I don’t know where our society would be without the comedic genius that is Rick. He was known for writing his own lines, which just adds to the aura of magnificence around him. And obviously his trademark would be the nerd glasses he wears. Even in Spaceballs, when he had a huge helmet on, he wore glasses. He didn’t even care. If you have yet to see a movie with him in it, I shake my finger at you…the middle one that is.

5. I slept with Gary Sheffield’s wife.

This is something that most people do not know. Hell, even I didn’t know that is had happened until I went to Boston and bought that shirt after a Red Sox game. I wasn’t even aware Mr. Sheffield had a wife, I’m still unsure whether or not she exists. Apparently fans in Boston have some sort of spy network set up throughout the U.S. Am I the only one that is alarmed by this? Seriously, I don’t want anyone to know what I’m doing in my private time. Then you’ll know that I photoshop pictures of Star Jones naked…I mean…wat? Anyways this was not the only thing I learned. A-rod Sucks the Big Unit and Jeter Blows. Another little known fact to go along with this, if you buy a shirt that says something, it comes true.

4. There is no such thing as an unbreakable Algorithm.

An Algorithm is a finite set of unambiguous instructions performed in a prescribed sequence to achieve a goal, especially a mathematical rule or procedure used to compute a desired result. Algorithms are the basis for most computer programming, according to dictionary.com. Algorithms are used as passwords and the size of them increases the difficulty of cracking the code. For example, a 3-digit algorithm would be time consuming, but relatively easy to solve; whereas, a 9999-digit one would be near impossible to crack, even with the use of a computer. Inserting a single capitalized letter increases the difficulty of solving this exponentially. In the book Digital Fortress by Dan Brown, this was the basis of the book and a man claimed to have created an unbreakable Algorithm, but it turned out he had not and just duped the government. No matter how long one may be the “Brute Force” method will always provide an answer. I didn’t say that they would all be funny. Demanding bitch.

3. According to the birthday paradox, in a room of 23 people there is more than a 50% chance two people will have the same birthday.

Go figure. Apparently if I was in a room with Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt, Jennifer Aniston, Bob Dole, Bill Clinton, Al Gore, Rick Moranis, James Lipton, James Brown, Rick James, James Garfield, Garfield the Cat, Scatman, Dorothy Mantooth, Scooby Doo, Shaggy, The Artist Formerly Known as Prince, Doug, Uncle Jeff, My ex-girlfriend’s ex-dog, Ron Burgundy, Master Shake and Batman there is a very good chance that I would share a birthday with one of them. Well guess what? I don’t. So let’s just fix this.

3. According to the birthday paradox, in a room of 23 people there is more than a 50% chance two people will have the same birthday.

3. According to the birthday paradox, the paradox is 100% wrong and whoever created it is an ass-clown.

Much better.

2. The Guitar Solo in the 1983 smash hit “Beat It” by Michael Jackson was performed by Eddie Van Halen.

If you haven’t listened to this song recently check it out. Seriously, when I heard the solo I was fucking confused. “Wait a second, this formerly-black person/alien, not only created smash hit after smash hit, but he also had talent on the guitar that rivaled Jimi Hendrix?!?!” I was more than relieved to find out that it was Eddie. The only guitar that Jackson is good at playing is the one in his room…which he uses when people come over…and by people I mean children…little boys that is…HE SLEEPS WITH LITTLE BOYS! FUCK. Am I the only one who finds this unnatural? No? There was a lawsuit against him? The trial is over? I’ll be damned.

1. From the 16th-17th centuries, there was a prevailing theory amongst scholars that lemmings were spontaneously generated due to a condition in the air.

Seriously? Like honestly? People actually thought like this? What kind of douchebags were these people. “LAWLZ! These little furry retards are just spawing in! PWND1!!ON!E!!” Unfortunately for the scholars the lemmings were saying “LOLZ! These fat ass dipshit retards think we spawn in! What n00bs! ROFLCOPTER!!!!ELEVENNNNNN!!!!” And yes both of those conversations happened verbatim, so suck it. Now I dare you to find me something more arbitrary. I fucking dare you. I HAVE BEEN LIFTING WEIGHTS AND SNORTING COCAINE ALL MORNING AND I AM READY! Oh good SNL. Anyways, there you go, the most arbitrary facts ever.